Beginnings....

Well, the journey has begun! We had the first visit to our home study last Thursday. It wasn't nearly as terrifying as I thought it would be. I thought there would be this big list of things we needed to change in our home that would make it "safe" for another child. She gave us, like 3 simple things to change. Easy, peasy. I was worried I would feel "inspected" and judged. I wasn't. The social worker had a very relaxed demeanor about her. She seemed very nice and geniunely wanted to help us accomplish our dream. So, it wasn't as bad I worried it would be.
Next, we have another visit in about a week. This visit will be interviews with the kids and with Paul and I. It will get into the deeper things. Your past, your struggles, your hopes for the future. I'm a little scared about this as I have never been a perfect parent. I have my struggles. And although I've shared my struggles, both past and present, with closer friends and family, I don't look forward to sharing them with a total stranger who has the job of proclaiming us fit or unfit to parent another child. But, I know it's necessary and I can only be honest and let God take care of the rest.

Meanwhile, we are doing lots of paperwork.

We had to come up with all our past addresses from 18 yrs old and on. Which, for me, was a pretty big feat. I've literally never lived in one place for more than about a year until about 2 years after Paul and I married. I, luckily, have a friend that works in invesigation and she helped me track those down. Thank you, friend! :o)
We also have to fill out in depth financial statements. That wasn't my funnest. I was glad to finish that one up and hopefully, we remembered everything and made it as accurate as we could. Because, we get to prove that later on.
And the autobiography, basically in two forms. There is a questionare with all kinds of questions pertaining to not only your life, but our thoughts on adoption, etc.... fun! I actually am not minding this one so much other than how much there is. I think I'll be able to write a book about my life after this! What makes mine more difficult is that there are a bit more complexities for me in this. When it asks about fathers, I have to include both my biological father, my "Daddy", who died when I was twelve and my step-father, who raised me through my teens and did things like teach me to drive. For one, some of that stuff is kind of hard to look back on and for another it's just simply more to write. But, I'm getting through it and will hopefully have it done...someday in the next week or so....I hope!

I tease Paul that he has it a bit easier because he lived in one house for the first 18 years of his life and his parents still live in the house that they moved into after that. He's had a pretty stable life. So, he should have a little easier time writing his life story out.

We also filled out an appliation for the international agency that we decided to work with. Some of this was repeating what was on the home study. So, at times, I was literally sitting down with two sets of paperwork, comparing, and going back and forth between the two filling out the same questions. Fun stuff, I tell ya!

Over all, as much time as the paperwork is taking and as much as it can tend to stress a person out. I really don't mind it so much. I actually kind of like filling paperwork out. And I also appreciate the fact that they try to check people out to make sure they are putting a child with a hard past into a loving and stable home. So, I think I'll make the sacrifice. :o)
So, I wanted to end with some lyrics from a song that has really been hitting home lately.

Oceans (where my feet may fail) by United


You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

(Chorus)
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

(Chorus)

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

And this scripture...
I pray out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge -- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. [He] is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us. (Ephesians 3:16-20)

Why International? Why China?

I have already been asked these questions by many people. Why international when there are so many children available domestically? And why China? They are very good and honest questions. Ones I wish I could answer in better words.  Maybe I'll be able to write a better answer.
When we first started considering adoption this is one of the first things we had to consider. Did we want to adopt domestically, infant adoption or foster adopt, or internationally? And it's been a very hard decision to make. Paul, being new to this whole idea and knowing that I've dreamt of adopting for a while, was willing to lean where my heart led, where I had a longing for. He says "A child in need, is a child in need. No matter where they are from." We would go back and forth. I have changed my mind several times, leaned one way, then another. We even took a foster and adoption orientation class, just to gain more information and see where things would lead. I have a heart for orphans everywhere. Every personal story, whether domestic or international, breaks my heart. I know the statistics, I've seen the faces, and I know that our family can make a difference in many different ways, not just by adopting.
But, I feel a tug at my heart for orphan girls in China. I've had a longing to adopt one of those girls since I was a teenager and heard of the plight of girls in China because of the one child law. Many things have since changed in China. More domestic adoptions occur there and more people can afford to pay the penalties to have more than one child. They have gone from the most popular place for Americans to adopt infants girls from internationally to a program more focused on waiting child adoptions, children that are older or have some type of special need (often minor).
But, every time I would lean toward doing another type of adoption, something that made more logical sense, something cheaper, etc., something would always tug my heart back to China. I believe that something is God. I think God gives us those dreams, those longings, to help us make those difficult decisions. He gives everyone different abilities, gifts, longings and dreams so that we can do His work all over the world. He doesn't just want us to make a difference and spread the gospel in our own back yard. He wants us to "Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation" Mark 16:15. So, He leads His people in all different directions.
So, ultimately, it came down to where do we feel led to go? I believe we are being led to China. Can things change along the way? Sure! But, we are going to explore this option until we accomplish our goal of having our little girl come home from China or it becomes apparent that God wants us to go in another direction. I know he has a plan for us and for all the orphans out there in the world. Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, ' plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'" So, I'm excited to see where he places us in the end. I'm sure it will be an exciting journey!