Family Table

This is our family table.

 It's kinda been a source of irritation and embarrasment for a number of years. It seems like, the more time that goes by, it gets uglier and uglier. Scuff marks from dinner plates, marker marks from children's art projects and nail polish from Breanna's first attempts at painting her and her friends nails. All of it together just makes our table look plain ugly! I've been talking about painting or refinishing this table for years. When company comes over I usually throw a table cloth over it. But...

 

I recently had  a realization about this table and it's marks.

This table contains memories. This table is our family table. The scuffs and marks all mean something very important.

 



It means there were children here, learning, coloring, exploring markers and paints and expressing theirselves with art.

 

And learning how very permanent permanent marker is. Learning they prefer those permanent markers to all the others for their thin tips and strong lines. And also learning that it's always good to put a barrier between whatever you are drawing and the table.

 

 

It means there was a daughter here learning how to paint nails, making herslef and her friends feel dressed up and pretty. Loving doing this girly stuff.

 

It means there is a family here, eating meals together, talking about life and dreams and just plain enjoying the company and filling ourselves with healthy and yummy (sometimes more healthy than yummy) food.

 

And I realized, maybe I don't hate this table so much. This table contains memories of some of our times as family. This table means I have  a family and healthy kids that love to draw,  color and paint pretty little finger nails. It means my kids are doing things that many don't get the chance to do. And, all of a sudden, I kinda like this table now.

 

I think I will keep our family table the way it is for now. Maybe I'll give a chance to let another little child learn what it means to have a family table. Maybe she can leave behind her own memory marks. Proof that she was here learning how to draw, color and paint her pretty little fingernails. Proof that she, too, is part of a family.

Stalling....

Yep! That's what I've been doing. Stalling on the whole fundraising issue. I just haven't looked forward to this part. I don't like asking for help with anything, much less, money. But, I've just kinda gotta get over myself. This is a life we're talking about! I'm just not willing to give up on making a difference in a precious life just because I'm embarrassed to ask for money. I don't think it's a valid excuse.

So, here we go!

We need help. We can't do this ourselves. Just this fact alone almost made us reconsider taking this journey. But, we received advice after advice and also read some more advice that said "don't let money be the deciding factor on whether or not you choose to adopt." Time and time again I've read or heard about a family that didn't have the funds to adopt internationally, but God provided. He provided what some people call the "ransom" money for an orphans life. It actually ends up being a great testimony to what God can do in our lives. What miracles He can work out for those who step out in obedience and faith, to do something they feel totally inadequate and unqualified to do.

We actually had a plan for how we were going to finance a large part of the adoption. It ended up not working out. So, Paul was talking to a friend about his disappointment that this loan didn't work out. His friend said something amazing. He said he was glad it didn't work out! Say what?!? Well,  he said that now, it gives God a chance to show many people His amazing abilities in working out miracles for His works to get done, rather than if we had just had the money and didn't need to spread the word about our need. So, maybe God will use our journey to tell an amazing story. A story of His love, His grace and His provision. So, we are stepping out in faith that if this is God's will for our family then he will provide. But, we know we have to do our part. We have to work hard. And we have to ask. And so we will.

So, would you consider helping us? You can be a part of our journey...part of the story of how we all worked together to bring a beloved child of God home to a forever family.

We are going to have several options available to those who feel led to help us out.

First and foremost, we need your prayers. To us, that's the most important thing that you can do. We are asking God to provide the resources we need to bring our girl home. We are asking that He keep us sane during this time of crazy amounts of paperwork and financial stress. We know it will be so worth it, but it's still can be kind of stressful. So, we know we need to rely on God to relieve that stress. We need to keep our eyes on Him! We are asking that God be with our little girl. We don't know who she is yet. But, she is already born, waiting night after night, with no family to hug her, to say "I love you", to say their night time prayers with, no mommy or daddy to tuck her into bed at night. This breaks my heart. So, she needs prayers for health and comfort.

The next option is that we currently have a Paypal donate button on this blog. This money will go directly into our Paypal account. It probably won't be tax deductible as we are not a charity, nor can we send out forms you need to prove you made a donation. This money will be used for our non-agency related fees. These fees include documentation fees to various US government offices and Chinese government offices. It also will be used for Travel to China and the orphanage donation/fee. This amount will be approximately $15,000.

Some of the things we are also going to be doing to raise these particular funds is selling some of my crochet items and having various other fundraising events like garage sales, bake sales and some other events. Stay tuned for a fundraiser that I will be looking into as soon as we finish our home study. It's an awesome fundraiser where we get to fund raise to bring an orphan home AND help a widow with improvements on her home, cleaning, etc....whatever she may need. There are a lot of good ideas out there. So, we just kinda have to decide and narrow down what things we would like to do. So, those of you who would rather get something for your money or donate items or time rather than just give cash, stay tuned and I'm sure you will get a chance to do just that. Also, we are going to be posting a link that you can use when you go to purchase from Amazon.com (click here). They will give us a portion (about 7%) of whatever you purchase while going through our link. So, those of you that shop through Amazon can use this link to help us, without it costing you anything. All you have to do is use the link! :o)

We also have about $11,000 in agency related fees. These are fees that we pay directly to the agency for their services. We are using a non-profit agency, so not only does this money go to paying their running costs, etc., they also have a charity that goes toward caring for orphans while they are in the orphanage, helping with education, medical expenses and such. Something we felt really important to have in the agency we chose. Currently, the plan to is to use a website called purecharity.com to help us raise these funds. This makes it to where we can have any donations given through the website be tax-deductible. Also, when you set up an account with Pure Charity, you have the option of joining their rewards program. With this program, you register your credit card(s) with them and when you use those cards at certain locations in your online shopping, they will put a certain percentage into your rewards account, you can then allocate those funds to us or whatever other charity/fundraiser you choose. A great way to help all kinds of causes without actually having it cost you anything! The funds from Pure Charity never go into our hands. They go from Pure Charity right to our agency. That's what makes it tax-deductible! I'm hammering out some last minute details with them and hope to have that link set up on here soon too.

So, that's our plan so far. I know it's alot! I'm sorry if it's too much. I just wanted to give people options. I know some people like to get something for their money. Some people don't like to be bothered with "buy this, buy that" type of fundraising, they just want to give and be done with it. And some people can't give monetarily, but they can pray. It's all ok. Different things for different people and their circumstances. It's all good.

So, you are welcome to be a part of our team, in whatever way you feel led. It will be worth it in the end when you get to see me post pictures or personally meet the precious little girl that you had a part in bringing home. You get to be a part of her adoption story. And that's something to feel great about!

If you're still with me, thanks for reading this terribly long post. I'll try not to be so long winded in the future. Ha!  :o)

Beginnings....

Well, the journey has begun! We had the first visit to our home study last Thursday. It wasn't nearly as terrifying as I thought it would be. I thought there would be this big list of things we needed to change in our home that would make it "safe" for another child. She gave us, like 3 simple things to change. Easy, peasy. I was worried I would feel "inspected" and judged. I wasn't. The social worker had a very relaxed demeanor about her. She seemed very nice and geniunely wanted to help us accomplish our dream. So, it wasn't as bad I worried it would be.
Next, we have another visit in about a week. This visit will be interviews with the kids and with Paul and I. It will get into the deeper things. Your past, your struggles, your hopes for the future. I'm a little scared about this as I have never been a perfect parent. I have my struggles. And although I've shared my struggles, both past and present, with closer friends and family, I don't look forward to sharing them with a total stranger who has the job of proclaiming us fit or unfit to parent another child. But, I know it's necessary and I can only be honest and let God take care of the rest.

Meanwhile, we are doing lots of paperwork.

We had to come up with all our past addresses from 18 yrs old and on. Which, for me, was a pretty big feat. I've literally never lived in one place for more than about a year until about 2 years after Paul and I married. I, luckily, have a friend that works in invesigation and she helped me track those down. Thank you, friend! :o)
We also have to fill out in depth financial statements. That wasn't my funnest. I was glad to finish that one up and hopefully, we remembered everything and made it as accurate as we could. Because, we get to prove that later on.
And the autobiography, basically in two forms. There is a questionare with all kinds of questions pertaining to not only your life, but our thoughts on adoption, etc.... fun! I actually am not minding this one so much other than how much there is. I think I'll be able to write a book about my life after this! What makes mine more difficult is that there are a bit more complexities for me in this. When it asks about fathers, I have to include both my biological father, my "Daddy", who died when I was twelve and my step-father, who raised me through my teens and did things like teach me to drive. For one, some of that stuff is kind of hard to look back on and for another it's just simply more to write. But, I'm getting through it and will hopefully have it done...someday in the next week or so....I hope!

I tease Paul that he has it a bit easier because he lived in one house for the first 18 years of his life and his parents still live in the house that they moved into after that. He's had a pretty stable life. So, he should have a little easier time writing his life story out.

We also filled out an appliation for the international agency that we decided to work with. Some of this was repeating what was on the home study. So, at times, I was literally sitting down with two sets of paperwork, comparing, and going back and forth between the two filling out the same questions. Fun stuff, I tell ya!

Over all, as much time as the paperwork is taking and as much as it can tend to stress a person out. I really don't mind it so much. I actually kind of like filling paperwork out. And I also appreciate the fact that they try to check people out to make sure they are putting a child with a hard past into a loving and stable home. So, I think I'll make the sacrifice. :o)
So, I wanted to end with some lyrics from a song that has really been hitting home lately.

Oceans (where my feet may fail) by United


You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

(Chorus)
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

(Chorus)

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

And this scripture...
I pray out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge -- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. [He] is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us. (Ephesians 3:16-20)

Why International? Why China?

I have already been asked these questions by many people. Why international when there are so many children available domestically? And why China? They are very good and honest questions. Ones I wish I could answer in better words.  Maybe I'll be able to write a better answer.
When we first started considering adoption this is one of the first things we had to consider. Did we want to adopt domestically, infant adoption or foster adopt, or internationally? And it's been a very hard decision to make. Paul, being new to this whole idea and knowing that I've dreamt of adopting for a while, was willing to lean where my heart led, where I had a longing for. He says "A child in need, is a child in need. No matter where they are from." We would go back and forth. I have changed my mind several times, leaned one way, then another. We even took a foster and adoption orientation class, just to gain more information and see where things would lead. I have a heart for orphans everywhere. Every personal story, whether domestic or international, breaks my heart. I know the statistics, I've seen the faces, and I know that our family can make a difference in many different ways, not just by adopting.
But, I feel a tug at my heart for orphan girls in China. I've had a longing to adopt one of those girls since I was a teenager and heard of the plight of girls in China because of the one child law. Many things have since changed in China. More domestic adoptions occur there and more people can afford to pay the penalties to have more than one child. They have gone from the most popular place for Americans to adopt infants girls from internationally to a program more focused on waiting child adoptions, children that are older or have some type of special need (often minor).
But, every time I would lean toward doing another type of adoption, something that made more logical sense, something cheaper, etc., something would always tug my heart back to China. I believe that something is God. I think God gives us those dreams, those longings, to help us make those difficult decisions. He gives everyone different abilities, gifts, longings and dreams so that we can do His work all over the world. He doesn't just want us to make a difference and spread the gospel in our own back yard. He wants us to "Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation" Mark 16:15. So, He leads His people in all different directions.
So, ultimately, it came down to where do we feel led to go? I believe we are being led to China. Can things change along the way? Sure! But, we are going to explore this option until we accomplish our goal of having our little girl come home from China or it becomes apparent that God wants us to go in another direction. I know he has a plan for us and for all the orphans out there in the world. Jeremiah 29:11 "'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, ' plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'" So, I'm excited to see where he places us in the end. I'm sure it will be an exciting journey!

New Journeys...

So, I've never been one for keeping secrets. I've been known to spoil surprises meant for myself or spill the beans on a surprise I may be planning for someone else. When I was pregnant. I was the type who told everyone as soon as I got a positive test. None of this waiting until 3 months to share the big news! Just in case you are worried, though, I can be trusted to keep others secrets, just not my own. :o) That being said, I'm sure everyone (especially those on Facebook) has figured out that I have a heart for adoption. My heart breaks for children who have no home, no family, no hope. I've always felt that I would love to adopt one or a two of those forgotten children. Also, I have a brother that is adopted, so it just seemed apart of my life growing up that I new could be great for my own family some day.
This is a feeling that until recently, Paul did not share. When we married, I knew that Paul did not want to adopt. Something I accepted and figured I would be blessed and happy to have biological children with the man I loved. And I was....for several years. We were wrapped up in our lives, having our children, first Breanna, then Sean. I figured our family was complete. And I could accept that and felt blessed.
A year or so after Sean, our youngest, was born we started attending a new church, East Valley Bible Church, now called Redemption - Gilbert. It was here that the seed of adoption was once again planted into my brain and my heart. There are many families in our church that have adopted domestically and internationally, some that become our personal friends. There are also many that do foster care.
 It seemed the more I tried to ignore the tug at my heart every time I heard something about adoption, the more stories I would hear. The more statistics I would become aware of that would just break my heart. I tried not to hound Paul about all the adoption stuff, but it seemed more and more "in our face". It got to the point that I actually asked God to change my heart, make me content with the family I was already blessed with. Not that I didn't feel blessed. But, I just had a feeling, a tug toward something else for our family. I asked him to take the longing away. So, of course, he introduced me to more people that had a personal connection with adoption.
This was about the time I had a friend who's brother and sister-in-law started the process of adopting from Russia. I started following their blog, tinygreenelephants.com. Amy has a way with words. She's super inspiring. I also had a friend from college that started her adoption journey. So, I began following her blog. Needless to say, a fire started in my heart. I started feeding bits of information at a time to Paul. A statistic here, and story there, a picture of some cute, little orphan that needed a home. I started praying for God to lead my husband and our family to whatever God would have us to do...to either help me find another way to get involved in my passion for the orphan cause or change Paul's heart...just something to help me have peace with this whole "adoption thing".
I had no idea at this time that God was already working in Paul's heart.
 A few years ago, Paul had an opportunity to volunteer at a camp for foster children, called TRAC. It is ran by an organization called Hope and a Future. Being at that camp, seeing the face of an orphan, hearing their stories, started to soften Paul's heart. Plus, he couldn't ignore how much God kept putting the issue of adoption in our path...over and over again. He also brought friends into Paul's life, through the camp, that had adopted and currently also do foster care. And so the seed began to grow. Paul put off telling me about his willingness to adopt for quite some time. In his mind, he knew that the moment I found out that the ball would start rolling, that things would take off. And so they did.
So, here we are now. We would like to adopt. We hope for a waiting child from China. but are open to where God ultimately leads us (I'll tell you more about how that came to be later). We are preparing to, hopefully, have a home study toward the end of the year. We are beginning some fund raising efforts, first with a garage sale, coming up this weekend. Breanna is jumping into this with great zeal and is already making some fun bracelets to add to the raising of funds.
So, the not so secret secret is out. What I would like to do is have you join us on this journey through this blog. I've not been good at blogging up to this point, but hope to be better now. I want to share with you the ups and downs of the process of adoption, the hopes and dreams, the heartaches and the triumphs. I'm sure it will be an awesome journey and I'm glad to share it with you. Stay tuned....